The Great Epiphany

It was an Epiphany to remember—and not in the way Hallmark intended.

January 6 is the Epiphany in the christian tradition, marking the day the Three Kings visited the baby Jesus. No, they were not at the manger, so please remove them from your nativity scene next year and save everyone the theological side-eye.

The Epiphany is a big deal in Latin America. Children are out of school. The kids receive presents. Since I was raised Catholic and we NEVER celebrated this holy day, I will be sending my dad an invoice for back pay on all the gifts I never received. Please factor in inflation, especially on Star Wars action figures, model railroad trains, and buildings.

Anyway, back to the chaos.

That morning, some friends messaged us asking if we planned to attend the Epiphany parade. One person described it as what Carnaval was like 30 years ago: drums, dancing, salsa, and tango music. Say no more, I am IN. The parade runs all night.

Around seven, we left the apartment to catch the bus. As we crossed the street, I was already in the roadway when I turned back to check for cars. What I saw was not a car—but Mikey, sprawled out on the street.

My first thought was, Just because we’re attending an Epiphany event doesn’t mean it’s time to play Pope and kiss the ground.
My second thought was much more practical: Can he get up, or do I need to turn into the Hulk and drag him out of traffic?

Once we made it to the grass, Mikey attempted to walk and immediately regretted it. Severe pain. He said he heard something crack when he fell. I heard it too—but in my case, it was the sound of him hitting the pavement.

We decided to walk back to the apartment and inspect the damage. By the time we sat on the couch, the verdict was clear: parade out. Emergency Department in.

Mikey called an Uber, and by 20:00 hours, we were seated in the ED waiting room. The lobby was packed, but the receptionist was incredibly helpful. Two hours passed before Mikey was seen, followed by another hour before X-rays, and then—my personal favorite—the endless wait.

Eventually, the staff stopped calling names. People arrived, waited, sighed dramatically, and left. We stayed.

After two hours, I approached the desk armed with Google Translate and hope. After I spoke to the receptionist, an angel (let’s keep the analogies to the holiday theme) in human form appeared—a woman who spoke English. She explained that around 20:00 (when Mikey had been seen), a man arrived after a serious motorcycle accident, followed shortly by two men with gunshot wounds.

Now, before anyone says, “I knew Latin America was dangerous—Fox Opinion told me so,” stop right there.

Uruguay is safer than the “old country” (a phrase I recently learned and now love). It’s the safest country in Latin America and ranks 48th in the world. I can’t count high enough to tell you where the old country falls. We are, statistically speaking, doing just fine.

So yes, Mikey’s foot was not the priority—and that’s exactly how it should be.
Priority 1: Life.
Priority 2: Feet.

Eventually, we were called back. The X-ray showed Mikey had broken two bones on the outside of his right foot near the pinky toe. And let me tell you, that little piggy cried wee, wee, wee all the way home.

Once we received the doctor’s orders, we walked out of the ED. Even without insurance, when we left our bank account was never touched. We paid Zero dollars/Zero Urquayan pesos. Yep, there is no hospital bill, and there will be no hospital bill.

We arrived back at the apartment around 03:15 and were immediately greeted by a mosquito uprising. We had learned that leaving the back door cracked made Tyson less anxious when left alone. Unfortunately, it also functioned as a mosquito invitation.

What followed was a thirty-minute war. The body count was high. Humanity prevailed. Mikey handled the fly swatter; I cleaned up the evidence—meaning I wiped mosquito bodies and blood off the walls. Around 04:00, we finally collapsed into bed, haunted by phantom buzzing.

Today, Mikey has a brand new, beautiful boot on his right foot.

Thank you for sticking with me.
Take care of one another—and take care of yourself.